


disappointment

by CallofTheCurlew



Series: challenge: prompts [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Brief mention of Dan's girlfriend, Dan's in Reading, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Phil's in Manchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 14:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14474751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallofTheCurlew/pseuds/CallofTheCurlew
Summary: Dan tries to make sense of the tornado ricocheting around his skill. His thoughts are spinning out of control and he tries to take hold of just one of them. He’s never felt the urge to talk about his feelings, not with his family or even his ex-girlfriend, but for some reason he wants Phil to know.





	disappointment

Dan’s brow burns from how hard he frowns when he cries.

Trying _not_ to cry isn’t helping, his face scrunching up tight, unable to stop the vicious sobs that rip from his throat.

“Hey…”

Phil’s voice is so soft and timid on the other end of the grainy Skype call. Dan’s hands cover his face so Phil doesn’t have to see him and his ugly, contorted expressions. He can feel his lips spread all the way across his chin, his nose running like a faucet and it’s the most unattractive he’s ever felt, but he doesn’t want to go through this alone.

The sounds he’s making can’t be attractive either, like a goose with a cough going through a blender. He peeks through the gaps in his fingers and finds Phil’s face close to the camera, peering through the lens with his big blue eyes, concerned and so beautiful that Dan might cry even more.

He hadn’t meant to get so upset. He had needed someone to talk to, and of course Phil was awake and answering his texts at two in the morning.  Phil had called through Skype first, concerned, and Dan had accepted the call with shaky fingers. The second he started to explain, he lost all control of his emotions.

“It’s okay,” Phil reassures him, helpless, and Dan tries to calm down, wiping at his tears and hoping his mum can’t hear him gulping and sputtering from the other room.

It’s another couple of moments of trying to compose himself before he finally speaks.

“It feels trivial,” Dan murmurs quietly.

“Not getting into the college you wanted isn’t trivial,” Phil promises softly, tilting his head and smiling gently, “It’s okay to feel like shit about it.”

Dan heaves a sigh and he’s suddenly at a loss, fists bunching in the sheets over and over again. His gaze is fixated on a point on the floor, his mind turning over and over at the sudden uncertainty of his future.

“Bear?” Phil asks softly, and Dan glances up, “What’s going on inside your head?”

Dan considers the question and tries to make sense of the tornado ricocheting around his skill. His thoughts are spinning out of control and he tries to take hold of just one of them. He’s never felt the urge to talk about his feelings, not with his family or even his ex-girlfriend, but for some reason he wants Phil to know.  

“I just… I guess I thought it was all going to go to plan,” he finally whispers, lower lip quivering. He fights the tears this time, blinking desperately, trying to keep it together, “That I’d finish my gap year, apply and- and just go to Reading University, and study there and everything would just… happen.”

“You’re disappointed,” Phil says quietly, “And that’s okay.”  

“It’s stupid, but… it feels like a personal attack from whatever beast controls karma. Rejected twice in one month...”

The laugh that follows is humorless and Phil’s concerned frown turns into a pout. Emily - the aforementioned girlfriend - had destroyed him in one text that doomed the future of their relationship. It had ended, and the past three years of Dan’s life were made redundant in one fell swoop.

She had been kind about it, of course, because that was who Emily was. Dan couldn’t help but feel her words burn deeper than she had intended. He was sensitive, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

“Dan, you can’t think of it like that,” Phil urges gently, “A setback. Nothing more. Emily’s not thinking about it, and neither should you. You’ve got the future to look forward to. Your future.”

Dan can only hope that Phil is so quick to jump to his defence because of their mutual crush. It was something they’d only very briefly spoken about - midnight secrets that Dan refused to acknowledge beyond the fact that they’d confessed an attraction to each other.

In one way, he’s grateful that Emily broke up with him now, so Dan didn’t have to do it later when he told her he was most likely bisexual, and maybe wanted to be with someone else.  

Maybe she already knew.

The thought sends a cold pane of ice plummeting into his stomach and he pushes it away.

“I think it’s helped, actually…” he admits quietly, his head suddenly clearer, his voice a little more confident, “I have the stirrings of… you know the feeling when you flip a coin and while it’s in the air, you know which side you want it to fall on?” he says quietly, and he’s not sure which part he’s referring to - Emily, or university.

Phil nods, smiling a little, “Maybe staying in Reading was never for you anyway? Too many people you know…”

“Yeah…” Dan reflects, and truth be told the thought hadn’t ever crossed his mind. What if Emily went to the University of Reading. What if they bumped into each other? “Yeah, that’s a good point…” he sighs, “But...I mean, I could apply somewhere in London, I guess.”

“Yeah, maybe…” Phil nods, and he’s quiet for a moment before he speaks again, “You could even look at applying to a university in Manchester?”

The words are soft and Dan barely hears them, only catching the end. It makes his heart freeze up a little - the thought never occurred to him and yet suddenly it’s so obvious, “Oh my god, Phil you are literally a genius…”

Phil’s grin returns, wide and unapologetic, “We could be flatmates?” he suggests, “I mean, if you wanted to,” he shrugs, “It could be fun.”

A spark ignites through Dan’s core and it’s almost as if all traces of his sadness have evaporated, at least for now. His teeth gleam bright through the screen as his grin matches Phil’s.

“Yeah. It could be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi at CallofTheCurlew on tumblr!


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